IT is NOT easy

Bismillah

"Whenever the Medics made a status on fb, 'Alhamdulillah' or 'I am so happy right now', people will assume that the person gets an offer."

Probably getting the offer is the most happiest and most grateful news of a medic can get. It is true, but there are so many other things that we can be grateful of. Or maybe people don't make a status of other things on fb. Who knows.

Studying at home is very challenging. I salute all the students who can study like very khusyuk and fokus at home. I mean, with all the temptations, they were hard to resist. For me is babysitting, although how much I would like to say NO to my sister when she asked me to babysit Danish, I can't. Because I love Danish. 

Who can say NO to this cute boy? Well played sis!

Allah. I love being at home. Alhamdulillah. 

BTW, I finally finished spending my book vouchers. And I managed to buy about 18 books. When I get to read those? InsyaAllah, three months after A-level would be quite a 'books and me' moment. I am looking forward for that day. 

May Allah bless.

Gottago.

Wordless, just imagination

Random

Status: I miss my blog. Eheh. Bajet jiwang renyai-renyai.

Will be leaving home for 'beloved' Ky this Saturday. Oh my my.. Frankly speaking, dear, I am not finish with my revision yet especially Maths. *fainted.

And today I will 'lepakking' and ber'bbq'ing at Perdana Resorts. Whattttt?

"Hamboi hamboi Syifa, ko ingat ko cuti summer break kah?"

Mouthwatering.. Eh! lari topik.

Life in Ky is seriously at its peak of craziness.. Of course I am not yet sitting for the A2. But this semester is a roller coaster busy! I have my DOE trial expedition after my Ielts exam. 

Seronok tengok gambo2 seniors yang sudah fly and bergumbira di tanah penjajah. Dekat instagram, facebook semua.. Teringat lagi dulu sama-sama sedih, sama-sama risau, sama-sama cakap "lambatnya laa nak habes study kat ky ni.." dan macam-macam lagi.. Tup tup dorang dah fly.. Heh. Sentimental karat.

Ky.. I dont know what is the indicator of my happiness here. Most probably the girlfriends. Without them, I ain't be this strong. And the journey of tarbiyah, I gain a lot from Ky people. They are awesome. Sometimes I feel like I am a little girl who is only able to nod my head when I heard their 'sharings'.

Amni, Nabila, Masturah, Jida, Husna, Aisyah Mazlan, Ulfah, Azie, Amalina, Diyana, Syifa', Ema, Fad and others are my special girlies. Thank you, no word can describe how I appreciate them. They are my crying shoulders. May we will be spreading in Uk, Eire, Aussie, and all the countries that are destined for us to be. I always pray to my Lord so that this sisters-bonding would never fade. InsyaAllah..

"Pada hari itu sahabat-sahabat karib: setengahnya akan menjadi musuh kepada setengahnya yang lain, kecuali orang-orang yang persahabatannya berdasarkan taqwa (iman dan amal soleh)."
(Az-Zukhruf 43:67) 

 The days ahead in Ky, I will try my best to cherish them. I don't like Ky as a place for my preparation years, but I love it because the people there. Well, some of them. Don't take it wrong, Ky is still the best A-level college in Malaysia. 

A Rebel Yell

He said that I would make lots of great friends.
I said never. I am not an amiable kid.

He said that I would love and care so much about the team.

I said not in this world. I hate the team. What they only did were criticizing.

He said that I would have the best senior years.

I said you'd got to be kidding me? Who are going to take care of me when I am a senior?

He said that I would be damn so sad once I had to step out of the place.

I said could there be any joyous moment than that day?

He said you'll be fine.

I said I will never be. I am alone.

Life was unexpected. Those words that came out from the 'I' were totally contradicting from the beginning. Now, this was the 'I' answers.

I made lots of great friends, who were worth more than diamonds. How could I not see them before. They were always right beside me. They were the one who taught me life. They wished me for my happiness. They are the ones that I didn't want to be replaced apart from anything in this world. 

The team. Could there be any team that are better that my team, if were not for them, I wouldn't learn the value of teamwork. There are some of them who shed my tears when I felt like a loser. They heard my stories, they respect my opinions. They accepted me the way I am in the team. The gave me credit for my capabilities.

Senior years. Never in my life I'd imagined that my senior years were so colorful. I still can reminisce the days that I had with all my classmates. We developed the bond, very strong bond, even stronger that the covalent bond in the diamond. We loved each other, so much. Should us be blame for that? 

Leaving the place was the most painful, broken-hearted thing that I ever did in my life. How I love the place, every single spot in the place gave me the flashbacks of the day that I learnt, that I laughed, I cried, I lost faiths in myself. Those were the things that never escaped from my brain-memory. They remained, I wont let them leave.

See? Did you noticed how much I worked hard to survive. The only reason for my pathetic reasons in the beginning were I doubted myself because 'he' got in the way. 'he' was the mist that I could not see the humungous tunnel for me to walk in. It was my fault for involving myself into 'he'. And 'he' was an inexplicable humility. Blame myself for being that weak.

But today and afterwards, I have HIM. Always HIM. HE will never leave me behind. Did I said 'never'? I mean never ever... 

I serve  myself for ISLAM. Don't beg me to give my heart to you. Because HE holds my heart so tight that even I can't help to escape myself from HIM. Alhamdulillah.

Preserve me with your mercy ya ALLAH.

Return to HIM

Memang ada waktu,
kamu akan melihat seperti Allah tidak menghiraukanmu.
engkau kecewa.
Ingin meninggalkanNya.
Seakan-akan engkau merasa, engkau sahajalah yang diperlakukan sedemikian rupa.

Jangan. Aku juga demikian sebenarnya.
Tetapi aku kekal percaya.
Kerna kehidupan ini ada dua.
Kalau bukan di dunia kita memperolehi apa yang kita hajati,
di akhirat sana adalah pasti.

Tuhan tidak kurang apa-apa dengan engkau meninggalkanNya.
Tetapi engkau hilang segala-galanya apabila berjarakan denganNya.
Hamba. Menangislah. Berteriaklah.
Kemudian kembalilah.
Sujudlah.
Sabar,
dan percayalah.

"Ya Allah, ampunilah aku. Bimbinglah aku. Aku hamba-Mu, Engkau penciptaku. Hanya kepada-Mu aku menyembah dan memohon pertolongan...."

A tribute to miss Nurfatinun Nisaa

Venue: Home sweet home~ Kelantan

Status Tengah skyping ngan si Budak Nisa... hahaha~ Pity her for accompanying me study all night long... We once made a promise that we wanted to study overseas together and becoming  doctors.. Now we are on the paths that we're promised,,, and we are struggling to finish our A-levels... =)

Kami sentiasa gembira (kononnya la kannnn....)  Nisa teramat comel di situ... hahaha

Ke sekolah selaku Ex-students di hadapan board Hussein yang teramat meriah.

Reflection Nisa dan tangan I pada awards kitorang during Majlis Graduasi sekolah.. 

Alhamdulillah. =D

I terpengaruh ngan Nisa yang menyuruh I mendapatkan nokia c3 yang berwarna pink ntuk matching ngan her fon.. Sweet tak kitorang... hehehehe

 Sewaktu I tengah down ngan result monthly exams yang teruk dulu, she was one of my close buddy who was willing to teach me all the subjects. I pegi kat meja Nisa, nanges sembunyi2 xnak org len nampak, sebab markah chemistry yg amat teruk.. I still remember we're both stay kat kelas after prep hari Jumaat, sebab nak study. Kitorang curi2 guna musalla guru for solat. =)  Malam2 she lepak kat my dorm, ktorang study sama-sama sebab xnak bagi ngantok.. We went to the class early glerr, pagi2 dah revise smbil tersengguk-sengguk... Biasa laa kan budak sbp. I penah nak kuar BPI sebab rasa tak layak, but she was the out who pujuk I jangan give up.

Once I got a text from her yang buat I terharu glerr... She said

"Syifa, klu mu masuk jannah jangan tinggal aq yer"

Dear Nisa,

thanks for being such a great friend.. Kter kwan dunia akhirat ek? Ingat aq sopmo,,, Klu rser cam nak cari orang nak bergusti ke ketawa kuat2 ke gosip2 ke lepak2 ke, i'm always here for you..

Jaga diri, jaga Islam. jaga iman. 

(Sila emotional ketika baca ni =) 

Kami yang comel =D

Leaving Home

Status: nak btolkan niat kembali ke KYUEM

mood: sedu sedan

Today is the fifth day of raya... And yup, at 9.30 in the morning, I left home, naek bas Mahligai-berlian-permata ntuk kembali ke Ky.... Rser sdeyh... Yer laaa,, balik Ky kene study/kiasu jer.... Tapi dah memang tu pon my duty kan? I am a student.... A muslim student to be exact... Chaiyokkk!

Babai rumah, babai katil, babai makanan lazat-mazat swaktu raya....

Selamat tinggal semuanya..... (cewwaahhhh =P)

Confession berani mati!

Saya <Syifa> meng'aim'kan semua A ntuk exam sem1 ini! Saya berjanji tak akan main-main lagi sebaliknya akan kiasu 'seenak-enaknya' ntuk setanding ngan budak khazanah, uem tidak menghampakan umi, abah, saya sdiri, Islam, MARA, dan uni2 kat UK yang tengah beratur nak 'sing-in'kan saya..

p/s: Sila baca aku janji di atas dengan nada serius!

status update!

Dah sampai Ky dah,,,, budak Amalina dan Amni pon ade meronggeng di chalet aq yang indah lagi permai ini.... Rindu rumah... Jihad! Jihad!

Top-Up kan iman.. 'harden'kan aqidah~

Status: Woke up late this morning as I telan 2 bijik panadol penyebab pengsan ntuk kebahkan my fever neh... Haishhhhhh~ 

Mood: Rindu Umi, rindu Abah, rindu rumah.

Music: The Call by Regina Spector

I am a reader but I'm a terrible one... I love hanging-out in the bookstores but in the end I won't buy any... Orang kata, nak seribu daya, tak nak seribu dalih.. So, I you love to read, kat mana-mana pon you bleh read, for those yang tak mampu, lots of inisiatif korang bleh buat to get the reading materials... Bukan kedekut, tapi nak jimat and still gain the knowledge. Kan? kan?

I rasa 'kosong' laa... Faham tak? kosong, empty, rser cam ade benda yang tak cukup, rser cam tak sedap duduk.... Sebak sedeyh sayu pilu sudu garpu seriyes tak tipu... Nak buat homework pon cam tak ngam... Padahal esok exam Maths... Bio sumer tuu kejadah tak revise lagi... Ya Allah... Berikanlah aq taufik dan hidayah Mu... 

If you seek Him, God can raise you up, and replace the darkness of the ocean, with the light of His sun. He can transform what was once your greatest weakness into your greatest strength, and a means of growth, purification and redemption. Know that transformation sometimes begins with a fall. So never curse the fall. The ground is where humility lives. Take it. Learn it. Breathe it in. And then come back stronger, humbler and more aware of your need for Him. Come back having seen your own nothingness and His greatness. Know that if you have seen that Reality, you have seen much. For the one who is truly deceived is the one who sees his own self—but not Him.  Deprived is the one who has never witnessed his own desperate need for God.  Reliant on his own means, he forgets that the means, his own soul, and everything else in existence are His creation.

  I always love articles,, inspiring words... From my experiences yang serba hijau, muda, pucuk lagi ni,, I can conclude to myself, whenever I seek Him, I felt aman, tenang.. Alhamdulillah.. I tak mintak dilable warak, budak baik, sumer tuu,, becoz for those yang knal I mesti pikir,, "Hak eleh,, si Syifa tu poyo jerr, padahal bukan nyer baik sngat" Then let it be... I tak kesah... People change, you can't judge them based on what you know only... Yup, kadang-kadang I lupa, lalai, seronok sngat, gelak tak hingat dunia,, typical human being.... So, terima lahh I seadanya (cewaaahhh)... But if we do know who are we commit for in this world, who are we rely on in every single prayer, He judges you! He knows you well than you know yourself..

"In the end, He do not call the Qualifies, but He qualifies the Calls"  

~So, I need to gler-gler top-up kan my ibadat , kredit nak calling2 manusia di dunia tak cukup tak pe, asal kredit nak call Him kat Padang Mahsyar nanti lbeyh daripada cukup~

"Ya Allah, If you do read my heart, my prayers, our conversations before I sleep everyday,, I beg Your Mercy and Your Kindness, please accept my taubat... I'm weak, I always need you to guide me. Please don't let me far astray, I'm afraid that I'm not able to meet you among the Syuhadahs, the Prophets.. Lead me to straight path..."

Then exalt [Him] with praise of your Lord and ask forgiveness of Him. Indeed, He is ever Accepting of repentance.

~An-Nasr [110:3]

P/s: 12 July-12 August.... Dah sebulan rupanya I bertapak di bumi Ky... Alhamdulillah. May my days ahead is always in His blessings.... =) Yeahhhh!

Sahur!!! Sahur!!!

Status: 11 Ramadan.

Music: Laungan azan subuh.

Sedar tak sedar dah lebih 10 hari dah pun kiter semua berada dlm bulan penuh keberkatan dan kemuliaan, Ramadan al mubarak.... Rasa sedih bertandang, apa sangat amal yang aq dah kumpul... Rasa macam lebih banyak membazir daripada mengutip... Nauzubillah. Typical human being, bila dah lepas baru terngadah.... Sedeyh.....

Skang ni pagi pagi memang liat jer nak pegi sahur... Bukan tak bangun tapi malas nak keluar chalet jalan pegi DH.... Adoiiiii~ Si Amni tu memang stiap pagi jer calling2 I kjutkan bangun sahur.... Still malas gak,, ape laaa nasib badan... Padahal waktu pagi hening subuh ni laa nak tengok bintang2 kat Ky yang bertaburan,, seyes cantekkkk! 

"People compares, they always do" 

Faham tak?? Aku tak tahu nape aq dah terbiasa nak men'compare'kan Ky ngan Faris Petra... Mungkin sebab 5 tahun ber'ramadan' kat hostel Faris Petra, jadi cam nak ter'compare' lak ngan Ky. But the truth is, tak banyak beza dooo.... Klu kat Ky berbukan kat DH ngan tray kejadah sumer tu, kat Faris Petra dulu pon kat dining n the tray jugak. (cuma tray Ky lawa sket jerrr) The food pon lbeyh kurang jer gak, cuma kat Faris Petra ada nasi kerabu ngan budu waktu berbukak while kat Ky ktorang penah berbukak ngan spagetty, mushroo soup, garlic bread jer... =D Klu dulu solat kat Masjid Semesta, kat Ky ada Surau As Saad. Kat Faris Petra ada tadarus, kat Ky pon ber'tadarus' gak.... Dlu ke bazar kat Pantai Timur Hypermarket kat Pc, kat sini bazar kat Tanjung Malim. Conclusion, nothing much to compare laaa....

Tengah-tengah down memikirkan iman yang turun naik ni, Alhamdulillah I terjumpa a warm, beautifully organize ayat from the al-Quran:

Sahih International

That Allah may forgive for you what preceded of your sin and what will follow and complete His favor upon you and guide you to a straight path

~Al Fath:2

See? He never forget His slaves, but do we remember Him often? Istighfar.. He is willing to forgive our  late sins and what will follow. I remind myself to always think before I do something, if I do this, would Allah swt will disappointed with me? I don't want to upset Him.... Sepanjang I hidup, Alhamdulillah Dia tak pernah lupa untuk limpahkan I dengan banyak banyak sangat rezeki. Tak lupa juga He granted my wishes, my doa. I would be so ungrateful if I fail to serve for Him.. Come on Syifa!!!! Bangun! Jangan lalai! Your aim is to grab the 'keredhaan Allah'! Manfaatkan Ramadan, who knows that you'll never meet the future Ramadan? 

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar...

Remind me my dear friends, don't let me lalai dengan dunia...

Seeking for the courage~

Mood: Cuak, tomorrow my class start~

Music: Firework by Katy Perry

You guys know wat? I purposely skipped my swimming lesson. hahaha~ I don't think that Mrs Beadsworth will be looking for me as I will meet her in the psychology class, so, I just buat muka blurrr jer. Chillaxx laa,,.. =D

And yeah tomorrow is a new beginning for me. Nak laa tengok gak kan wat my corroded brain still get, I mean, err you guys know laa kan... I only have one free block tomorrow, so, will be going to RC jer kowt.. (free block is tak ader kelas, RC= Resources Centre) Well, dear readers, Ramadhan is approaching near. InsyaAllah, jika panjang umur I, bertemu lagi dengan bulan penuh keberkatan tahun ini, segala puji bagi Allah swt. =)

Ayat for today is from surah luqman, becoz this morning, I went jogging around the Ky nyer kawasan. The best thing at Ky is the scenery is so green taw, bak kata Amni feel more close to nature...

Sahih International

He created the heavens without pillars that you see and has cast into the earth firmly set mountains, lest it should shift with you, and dispersed therein from every creature. And We sent down rain from the sky and made grow therein [plants] of every noble kind.

Oh ya, tazkirah subuh for this morning is about bersyukur, klu kter tak bersyukur kita menjurus kpd bidaah, and yeah, the tazkirah was delivered by Hijjaz Adenan, the Muscom president. 

"Grab your gear, lad, the clock is ready. Pushing seconds towards midnight. By the end of the day, you're charred"

I takowt taw for tomorrow, I know that my life wud be very, seriously hectic after this. Camne klu I tak leh catch up? Nauzubillah.... Ya All ah, permudahkan lah urusan hamba-Mu ini...

"Gapo gak bendo hop mudoh dale dunio ni acu try oyak."

~ Words from a friend of mine. Thanx. hahaha~ sape tak faham bleh asked me privately taw. Btw, I just know him gitu2 jer, we'll never talk except by fb. But, he do help me to top-up my confidence level. And I won't reveal him to anyone.. hahahaha~

Crushing in Silence

Status: Dalam chalet, ingat nak tolong props for bangsawan tapi stuffs xder lah plak. Esok last day Induction weeks. Overall best glerr and I have to tell that I am falling in love wif Ky. Alhamdulillah.

Sahih International

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.

~ Surah Adh- Dhariyat~

To summarise my life in Ky, I am so grateful that I'd being chosen to study here. Everything is so beautifully arranged. I am not a genius, and to be accepted in such a place like this teach me to be more humble. =)
Subjects that I took for my AS level

1. Chemistry
2. Biology
3. Maths
4. Psychology

Dear subjects, please be friend wif me. =)

I love the musolla activities so much. The forum from our super seniors, the talk by Ustaz
Hasrizal, Muscom introduction by saudara Hijjaz and etc. Ya Allah please granted me wif Your blessings and redha'.

I am sorry that I already fell in love. And I always be. I don't mean to but things happened. Wat should I do? =) 

sy x faham awak!

Assalamualaikum 

para shabat ku yg dikasihi skalian,,,,

semenjak 2 menjak neh asyik m'updatekan blog ngan kisah yg 

ntah hape2... adoyaiii....

dlu smnagt jer lbeyh nak ader blog sndiri laa kononnya..

las-las, pnyakit malas neh memang xleh lari laa kan?

:P

okay uollsss meh nak habaq kat korang sumer,

psal a person yg memang label dia dlm kamus

hidop aq neh as a friend.. aq ada bnyak kengkawan wokehh,

dri smua jantina yerr!! (ada dua jer jntina sbeno nya)

yg sorang neh, lately after hbes spm kann,

cam plekk jerr, aq kamcing laa gak coz dyer neh my classmate..

opppsss, penah m'jdi my classmate....

seyes ckap, skang neh aq dah rser nak label this person

"psycho" coz mmg slalu jer cari gaduh ngn aq...

eee,,,,, xpuas ati btoll... skang neh klu dyer ckap, msg, fb ke aper

aq dahhh malas nk ckap pnjang dah.... HUH~

tolong laa "si A" (aq bgi label eh.. )

jaga laa ati orang gakk,, jngan ckap ikut men lpas jer...

wlaupon dh lama kawan, jngn wat aq smpai dah x anggap ko as kawan

lg dahhh... sdeyh laa, bler kawan sndiri snggup ckap mcam2

n bagi plak ayat x sopan cam gitu...

rsernya aq x penah m'carut pon kat kau...

haisshhh~ xtaw laa, maybe ni sindrom bler budop SBP

t'lalu lama cuti... slalu study jer,,bler dah rehat pnjang2

cam dah nak sewel dahhhh....

okay2,,, aq xnak cakap pnjang coz aq hormat lg

"si A" ni as sahabat aq,,, klu dah mlarat nanti,

sorry to say,,, aq memang xkan pduli doh ko mu

smpai bile2!!!!!!! faham lah yer....

slama nihh, aq hepi jer kan kengkawan aq,,, tpi bler Allah swt uji aq
dngan sorang jer kawan yg "hmpir mereng",, aq dah rser lteyh,,
rser cam 'nape ader gop orang camgini?'
sesungguhnya Dia mahu aq lbeyh sabar dan sedar bhawa
aq kene hati2 pilih kawan... Alhamdulillah...
Now,aq dahh sdarr, n aq xkan biarkan "si A" tuu
memanipulasikan aq swenang2nya....
Insyaallah, I can go on life without you lahhhh! :-D

p/s: kpada "si A",, aq doakan mu brubah n in the future mu temu laa ngn orang yg snggup

tahan ngn mu nyer unacceptable behavior tuhh,,,, jngan asyik dop buat org traser ati laa

smpai cni,,, aq wat pngakuan bhawasanya aq "dah maafkan mu dunia, akhirat, klu aq x jumpa 

ngn mu dahh after this,,, aq sanggup! coz dri aq rser x puas ati ko mu better aq xpenah jmpa

mu lansum! thanx for everitim... peace, no war ^^ !!