The day, the result was out

This was the story of how nervous I was waiting for the A-level results.

Waktu check result: 1 pm

Tarikh: 13 Ogos 2013

Pada malam hari sebelum result:
Tak boleh tidur. Seawal pukul 12 am aku dah masuk ke dalam bilik. Tutup lampu dan baring. Berkelip-kelip dalam kesamaran cahaya lampu rumah sebelah. Akhirnya tertidur jua, tapi pukul 1.23am aku tersedar. Cuak. Istighfar panjang. Dan beberapa kali jugalah aku terjaga kemudian tidur balik, terjaga, tidur. Sehinggalah aku terdengar laungan azan Subuh dari masjid di hadapan rumah. Okey, udah-udah lah tidur. Bangun.

Seawal pukul 6.30 am, aku sudah turun ke ruang tamu bawah. Memasang tv, lalu menonton Tazkirah Pagi di tv3. Kebetulan Ustaz di tv sedang membicarakan perihal 'berserah dan redha di atas takdir Allah'. Huh. Alhamdulillah, seperti mahu membuatkan hati ini lebih tenang. Entah pukul berapa aku kembali tertidur sehingga pukul 8 pagi di mana Umi mengejutkan aku bangun.

Aku kemudiannya bangun lalu bersiap-siap untuk menemani Umi ke sekolah. Berada di sekolah umi ibarat satu penantian yang sangat sakit. Dada aku terasa seperti sesak. Walaupun aku pakai baju kurung tapi aku terasa sangat panas sekali padahal dalam bilik Umi ada aircond. Jam menunjukkan pukul 12.15 pm dan Umi mengajak ku pulang.

Tiba di rumah pukul 12.45pm. Dada semakin sesak. Perut terasa seperti ingin memuntahkan segala isi. Serius aku tak pernah cuak macam ni. This cuak is the worst in my history of cuak. Aku terus ke bilik air, mengambil wudhu lalu menunaikan solat sunat taubat dan hajat. Aku takut dengan apa yang bakal aku dapat. Bukan takut gagal tapi takut aku tak melaksanakan maksud tawakkal. Aku sentiasa menzahirkan di bibir bahawa sesungguhnya aku sudah tawakkal dan apa-apa pun keputusan A-level, aku redha. Tapi aku takut jika aku tidak bertindak seperti orang yang bertawakkal apabila mendapat sesuatu yang aku tidak harapkan. Jadi aku mohon dilembutkan hati dan diberi kekuatan iman daripada Allah swt sebelum aku membuka laman web CIE.

Seusai solat dan dengan masih bertelekung, aku ke laptop. Aku memanggil Umi supaya menjadi saksi apa sahaja keputusan yang terpapar di skrin. Umi sudah berada di sebelahku. Aku memasukkan Id dan password di laman tersebut. Dengan lafaz bismillah, aku menekan 'enter'

AAB

B for Maths. High B. Very close

Kecewa, sebak, sedih, pening.

Aku menahan tangisan sebab Umi berada di sebelah. Aku menarik nafas panjang dan beristighfar.

Umi kelihatan tenang dan menyuruh aku bersabar.

Aku menahan diri aku daripada panik. Lantas aku mendail nombor Ms Barbara untuk memaklumkan keputusan yang aku terima. Dan beliau menyuruh aku menghantarkan print-screen results tersebut kepada beliau agar proses rayuan ke UCC dapat dibuat.

Aku redha. Serius. Dalam hati aku, nampaknya aku bakal ke Sheffield. Kemudian aku masuk dalam bilik. Aku menunaikan solat Zohor dalam tangisan. Basah kuyup telekung aku. Seusai solat Zohor, aku menunaikan solat sunat hajat 12 rakaat. Bukan untuk memohon supaya results aku bertukar kepada semua A ke apa, tapi memohon agar Allah tetapkan iman aku dan membantu aku untuk redha.

Susah tahu tak nak berlapang dada dan mengatakan, "Aku redha" like you really mean it. Aku tersangatlah lemah, jadi, aku sangat memerlukan pertolongan Nya. Tolong Ya Allah, bantu aku gembira dengan keputusan ini. And for once in my life, I experienced betul-betul tenang. Aku dah macam 'Tak pa lah, ni yang Allah nak kasi kat aku'

Dan Alhamdulillah, aku kembali tenang. Umi dan Abah masih memujuk dengan gigih. Oleh kerana penat menangis teresak-esak, aku akhirnya tertidur. Aku tersedar sewaktu azan Asar berkumandang. Seusai solat Asar dan membaca Al-Quran, aku dapat panggilan daripada seorang rakan. Keputusan beliau lebih kurang sama sahaja denganku. Jadi kami sama-sama sebak. Aku mendoakan yang terbaik untuk beliau.

Pukul 6.30 pm, aku mendapat text daripada pihak IUMC,

"Syifa: pack your things now, you're going to UCC Med School! Cheers, Ms Barbara"

Air mata mengalir weh. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah..

Sujud syukur padaMu Ya Allah.

And the rest was happiness. Umi mengalirkan air mata gembira. Abah pun nampak happy. Seluruh family mula bising dan congratulations dilaungkan..

This story is perkongsian semata-mata. Sometimes we learn valuable things from other person experience. So disini aku cuma kongsikan cerita pasal if you put your dependence on Allah, He never fails you. Kita ni yang kenar sabar. Aku sering ingatkan diri aku dengan "Hadapi ujian dengan sabar dan solat" which one of the verse in Al-Baqarah.. Dan "Setiap kesusahan ada kesenangan" in surah Al-Insyirah. Everything that you want, just anything, there are prices that you have to pay. It is the matter of how willing are you to pay for the prices. And that includes usaha, doa dan tawakkal.

Akhir kata,

Have faith in Allah.

Whatever He gave you is the best.

A reminder for myself too.

Golden

Short update.

Alhamdulillah.

One more interview. Must be done before 10th of March, I am so freaking cuak right now. I mean after  a month of no-interview sessions. And now, here it is again, and this time, it is a video interview. Yes, we'll be communicating through our desktop screen. 

May Allah makes eases.

Royal College of Surgeon Ireland.

Amin.

Pray for me ya? =)

We're in this together

Selamat

Status: Dats it, sebulan duduk rumah,bukan study yang makin banyak, makan jer banyak, pastu tengok tv. HAH. Nampak keburukan duduk kat rumah di situ? (salah aq jer pon sebenarnya)

Diet. Tempoh masa 6 bulan. *more or less haha

Alhamdulillah, habis sudah kelas pertama di semester keempat. Kejap. Sumpah kejap. Pergi kelas, balik kelas, dah malam. This six months are not going to be long. Nak habis dah Syifa. Nasib baik semua kelas hari ini terasa macam ada 'drive' and lepas balik kelas, the feeling is not "ah, it's over for today" but "I have to do more before tomorrow". Dan dengan keizinan Allah, moga-moga perasaan semangat nak study itu kekal setia sehingga hujung nyawa. 

Pagi tadi seperti biasa, terserempak jer budak Medic, senyap-senyap tanya, "Dapat interview kat mana?" Bukan apa, hanya medics yang mengenal medics. Eh. It is not just about you, it is about us. Tadi, bila dengar kawan dapat 3 offers interview from ucas tambah plak dengan Eire, happy tu macam aq pulak yang dapat, betol tak tipu. Semoga kami dapat buat yang terbaik untuk interview nanti. Tapi lain pula bila dengar rakan yang until now, no news heard. Kalau duduk dengan mereka lama-lama, aq menangis kot. Maaf, emosi aq sejak buat A-level Medic ni semakin sensitif dan hormon pun tak stabil. What can I said to them is, "InsyaAllah, ada rezeki nanti dapat jugak tu, don't give up". Eh terasa macam cakap pada diri sendiri. 

Takut. Cuak. Biasa la tu. Bila teringatkan senior-senior tahun lepas, betapa kuatnya mereka. Even, ada yang dapat offer sewaktu exam A-level. And ada jugak yang dapat placement selepas results. Sabar, sabar, sabar. Allah itu Maha Pemurah. Study hard is not enough, you have to pray hard as well. 

Surah Ghafir [40:17]

Sahih International

This Day every soul will be recompensed for what it earned. No injustice today! Indeed, Allah is swift in account.

Malay

"Pada hari ini, tiap-tiap diri dibalas dengan apa yang telah diusahakannya; tidak ada hukuman yang tidak adil pada hari ini. Sesungguhnya Allah amat cepat hitungan hisabNya.

Bismillah..

"Ya Allah, engkau permudahkanlah urusan pelajar-pelajar perubatan batch 14. Semoga kami semua mendapat yang terbaik.."

Tolong aminkan yer.

Study! Study! Study!

Dear Medics

I'm having  fever right now. Seems logic as the rainy days kept me in the blanket all the time. But the sun starts to rise and Kota Bharu has return to its normal temperature. Hot. So basically the changing of weather has make my immune system kinda confused. Hopefully not for long. Finishing The Big Bang Theory season 5 marathon back to back. 

Recently I had been buying some items which I myself was unsure about the need of them. Cute sweater blue in color, fingerless gloves, 3 rolls of mix chiffon for my knitting project, new sandals *yeay me!, pairs of socks, cotton bracelets, a silver ring, t-shirts and pants. Sounds like I spent a lot. Yes I was. Shopping had been a therapy for me, which was not a very economy-therapy-friendly. However, I felt the joy of possessing all of the stuffs. 

I was having a nightmare the other night. And I couldn't barely even spill it here, because it was very sad, and I crossed my fingers, nauzubillah, for it to be happened. Then, I left my bed and went downstairs straight to the kitchen to find my umi. Unfortunately I couldn't find her as she had a meeting at the school. What comforted me was  a bowl of coco crunch cereal with cold full cream dutch lady's milk. Yes, called it as breakfast. It just reminded me of my childhood. I was a girl, eating the cereals with no worry in her head. Go out and play with the neighbor in the evening. Having a fairytale dream of studying oversea and meet my prince charming who was British, Greg Sulkin most of the time, and soon become a cool doctor who always smile and treats the patients gently. Oh yeah, believe me, that dream was my childhood fairytale-like story that I wish to think of, except for Gregg Sulkin part. Freaky huh? I was four years old at that moment when I decided to become a doctor. People said everyone has their childhood ambition which turns out later the ambition change. Not in my case. As I grew up, the dream seems clearer and nearer. I wouldn't change it for anything. Although, after leaving school, people kept saying that "Drop it. Medic is way too hard to handle." "Less scholarships for medic" "If you do not get A+ for Bio, forget medic" and bla bla.. And it didn't stop there. In college, there were frequent reminders that the places for medic students are limited and it is not easy to enter the medical school. Some make it and some do not. I do not know about other people but that kind of words hurt and do not bring "we" up. Even some of my friends in college were changing their course. It was disheartening listened to your friends saying "There is no hope for me" "I'm not going to make it anyway" And I could say that I hate it. I mean, who are we to crush people's dreams. If you can't say any comforting words, just listen to them, avoid discouraging. 

(whoever being discouraging, you are blacklisted. Well, I already have few on my list)

Free to dream

I understand how it's like to fail. I fail lots of time. And I'm grateful that I was surrounded by some people who always see the positive in the negative. They always hold my hands when I'm about to sink like RMS Titanic on 1912. They are like eveready batteries when I'm out of chemical energy. They illuminate my path like charmander's tail in the cave when I lost my torchlight. How's that for metaphors? Huh? Huh?

What I'm trying to say is, Do not stop dreaming. But to realising the dreams, you have to say "Action!" Ignore all those negatives thought from yourself and other people. No one believe you more than you do. There is no NO when you say YES (besides Allah of course) And pretty please, reminder, note to myself as well, always always seek for His help. He wouldn't accept the prayer from those who do not truthfully pray to HIM (yakni orang-orang yang lalai) Other than that, He the Most Giving. I experienced it, and I want all of us do. 

Mariah Carey once said, "There's a hero if you look inside your heart" which means we are actually so tabah. No matter how much Carly Rae said, "And this is crazy", we still can make it possible! Dan jangan percaya bila Demi Lovato berpesan, "Sometimes you wish you'll be fine by yourself", sebab we need friends. A good friend is a friend who prays for you without you knowing it. And that's why Stevie Wonder said, "That's what friends are for".

Whoever yang tengah, dalam proses, atau bermimpi-jadi-kenyataan berkecimpung as Medic students, I wish you with all my heart, all the best! May we'll be blessed!

*HIGH FIVE!

A Step Closer

I have not update my blog for a long long time.

I guess.

Titttt tittttt... *message tone

Alhamdulillah! I am so happy after I read Nisa's text. She got an offer letter from the PMC. You know how much I love Nisa and I always pray for her every dreams will come true. Get the grade, and she off to Dublin. I am so happy. Not just about recently I'd got a text in the middle of the night while I already was in my beautiful sleep, Eza texted me saying that she passed her Ausmat exam with flying colors. InsyaAllah, she will be flying to Ausie this February. I'm not sure which uni she will choose as both Uni of Adelaide and National Uni of Ausie want her so bad. *haha. I wish u luck Eza!

And me, =')

Alhamdulillah, this morning I'd read the email. IUMC called me for interview. Alhamdulillah.

And the panel is from Uni College Cork! My first uni I put on my IUMC application form.

Ya Allah, I'm so grateful and I want this with all my heart if I could say. 

Please please please Almighty God, spare me one place at Cork. I really want this. 

Bismillah. Doa. Usaha. Tawakkal.

There are no secret ingredients. 

College is reopening. Cant wait to grad. eheh. 4th sem baby.

Wishing Stars

Status: Leaving to Shah Alam tomorrow morning. I am planning to go to the well-known "BigBadWolf Booksale' on Wednesday. Hopefully with the road guide I received from Faris and Sol, I safely arrive at the destination.

Music: Life in Technicolor 2 by Coldplay

Alhamdulillah. Finally an interview offer. I was so excited although it is not yet a conditional offer. I screamed (in a good way) and shouting for my Mom once I read the email. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Rezeki Jumaat lalu..

Allah always has plans for you.

Do not lose Faith.

"And it is He who subjected the sea for you  to it from it tender meat and to extract from it ornaments which you wear. And you see the ships plowing through it, and (He subjected it) that you may seek for His bounty; and perhaps you will be grateful."

I would like to give a shout-out to Jida as she was the first person to know about this. (of-course after my parents) And I want to congratulate her as she had done excellently for her Glasgow interview.

"Syukur bukan dilafazkan dengan kalimah sahaja, ia turut serta dengan perbuatan."

Pray for me on getting a place in a medical school. =')

Thank you.

May Allah bless.

Hidden

Sahih International

Say, "Whether you conceal what is in your breasts or reveal it, Allah knows it. And He knows that which is in the heavens and that which is on the earth. And Allah is over all things competent.

Malay

Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Jika kamu sembunyikan apa yang ada dalam dada kamu atau kamu melahirkannya, nescaya Allah mengetahuinya; dan Ia mengetahui segala yang ada di langit dan yang ada di bumi. Dan Allah Maha Kuasa atas tiap-tiap sesuatu.

He knows Syifa. He heard you every seconds, whenever you asked from Him. Have faith have faith have faith. Do not despair.
Bismillah, Allah, my Lord, please look after me. As for myself, I want to become a better slave for you everyday... Amin..

The Mock Interview

Status: Last Monday, I was shocked with the news on the notice board which informed that all the medics and dentistry students will have a mock interview session on Tuesday and Wednesday.

The panels were the previous ky headmasters and some of them I was quite uncertain.

So, my session was yesterday with Mr Tony Finch at classroom 2.1 at 2.40 pm.

On that day, I think, most of MARA students will be interviewed by him, so I asked Effah whose session was in the morning about her interview. From Effah's way of telling me about hers, Mr Finch seemed to be a nice person. Effah was asked about the ethical issues of abortion and euthanasia. Being not so sure still about my interviewer, I asked Anep and Husam for their feedbacks too after solat Zohor. Hahh, nampak tak kegigihan aku di situ mencari maklumat. Anep dengan Husam told me that the person was very nice as they felt the interview was a chill conversation between two persons. 

So, relief I was for a moment.

2.20 pm

I was waiting at the common room waiting for my turn after my friend, Amalina.

I supposed to be interviewed at 2.40 pm but I was called earlier and enter the room at 2.30pm.

Me: *knocking the door

Mr Finch: Come in. Please be seated. 

Me: Good afternoon sir. How was your lunch? (I smiled sampai rasa lenguh plak)

Mr Finch: Great, the food was delicious. So, you are Nur Syifa.............. And you are going to read medicine. Are you?

Me: Yes I am. 

Mr Finch: (he read my ps and asked things according to my ps)

Basically I think I can answer most of the things about my ps as I only wrote what I knew and what I experienced.

Mr Finch: The university, in order to find a student to be recruited, they want someone who is committed and who they think will not say, "I have been trying for two years and I don't think that I want to do this anymore". Medicine is a sacrifice. Do you think that you are a committed person and how are you going to prove it?

He also asked me about my job attachment. What have I gained from the experience?

And I was not asked about any ethical issues. Oh, but I was asked about the comparison of healthcare in Malaysia and UK. And some about the bedside manner. Lastly, he asked me if I have any question for him and I asked about, "If I am planning to do attachment or housemanship in Uk, am I allowed to?" and  some other questions yang I can't remember the exact details.

Fuhhh, the interview finished after 35 minutes which exceeded the scheduled 20 minutes for the interview. Luckily, I masuk quite awal. Alhamdulillah, it was a nice experience. Thank you Mr Tony Finch. He was a teacher at KTJ and now he live in Seremban. We talked about my hometown too. hehehe...

Hope to do better for the real interview. InsyaAllah. Amin....

E=mc2

Bismillah..

Heart to heart conversation is a rare occasion that I use to do in Ky. The reason is, there are only few people who you can talk to, well, people who understand what you really feel. Thank you dear friends who always being a good listener every time I need you, you know who you are.

fly balloon fly

To my dearest classmates, Eja and Mat, all the best in your final Ausmat examination which is happening now! I know you guys are the best, you have done this thousand times, and I am sure you will be just fine for this one. I am looking forward to be able to send both of you to the KLIA next February. My warm prayer will always be with you both, insyaAllah. Make me proud kids! ^^

Eheh, dah habes sesi hati ke hati yang lagi satu ni.

Ni masuk bab sem 3. Currently, minggu belajar ada lagi berbaki 5 minggu which mean that masa semakin suntuk! For update, aq still termengah-mengah nak catch up chapter integration dengan Mr Mahadzir yang menggantikan Miss Aizan yang menunaikan ibadat Haji di tanah suci Mekah. Wat to do wat to do.

Bismillah.... 

This friday is the dateline for IUMC application which is the one that I'm really hoping for. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah jalan hambaMu yang kerdil ini ke Ireland. Medic, 5 years. Amin, amin, amin...

"Life is not a gamble. You choose what you want to be. Have faith."

A-level. CIE. Thank you for all the memories. Bila terfikir balik, nanti tamat belajar kat Ky Jun tahun depan, apa yang aq nak ingat pasal Ky ek? Mungkin dah bleh start taking lots of pictures from now on. The view, friends, teachers, the one and only bilik D, chalet L-45 (baru menang the cleanest female chalet in conjunction with the Health Awareness Week), and surau as-saad.

"Identifying something unidentified is harder than justifying the E=mc2.

Emotion falls under that something."

Nanti lah, kita tengok sendiri, apa perasaan yang bergelojak sewaktu tibanya hari meningglkan Ky. Adakah happy tak ingat? Adakah sedih meratap pilu? Ataupun bercampur-baur antara suka dan duka?

Eheh. Merapu.

p/s: Semalam sambut birthday Mr Vroege. Happy 50 sir! Thank you for teaching me Biologos! 

October

Status: I decided to update my blog after so long.. Why no updates? I'd been through many obstacles and hurdles for the past 2 months. But He always guided me all the way. No worries =')

But I never stop walking. I am a strong girl! yeah!

People said, bad times only make you stronger, well I have to agree and move on and...

My Ucas application,

1. University of Aberdeen

2. Cardiff University

3. Newcastle University Upon Tyne

4. University of Liverpool
5. Sheffield University (Biomedicine)

I have every specific reasons why I choose for those universities. Certainly not putting my utmost hope for all of them but Allah knows best for His slave. Medic is one tough job. I will apply to all the medical school in every possible country. May Allah bless my path. InsyaAllah. And we'll see where will I be in September next year okay. ^^

My semester examination in less than a week from now. And after that Ielts examination. Band 8.5 baby!

Amin...