The day, the result was out

This was the story of how nervous I was waiting for the A-level results.

Waktu check result: 1 pm

Tarikh: 13 Ogos 2013

Pada malam hari sebelum result:
Tak boleh tidur. Seawal pukul 12 am aku dah masuk ke dalam bilik. Tutup lampu dan baring. Berkelip-kelip dalam kesamaran cahaya lampu rumah sebelah. Akhirnya tertidur jua, tapi pukul 1.23am aku tersedar. Cuak. Istighfar panjang. Dan beberapa kali jugalah aku terjaga kemudian tidur balik, terjaga, tidur. Sehinggalah aku terdengar laungan azan Subuh dari masjid di hadapan rumah. Okey, udah-udah lah tidur. Bangun.

Seawal pukul 6.30 am, aku sudah turun ke ruang tamu bawah. Memasang tv, lalu menonton Tazkirah Pagi di tv3. Kebetulan Ustaz di tv sedang membicarakan perihal 'berserah dan redha di atas takdir Allah'. Huh. Alhamdulillah, seperti mahu membuatkan hati ini lebih tenang. Entah pukul berapa aku kembali tertidur sehingga pukul 8 pagi di mana Umi mengejutkan aku bangun.

Aku kemudiannya bangun lalu bersiap-siap untuk menemani Umi ke sekolah. Berada di sekolah umi ibarat satu penantian yang sangat sakit. Dada aku terasa seperti sesak. Walaupun aku pakai baju kurung tapi aku terasa sangat panas sekali padahal dalam bilik Umi ada aircond. Jam menunjukkan pukul 12.15 pm dan Umi mengajak ku pulang.

Tiba di rumah pukul 12.45pm. Dada semakin sesak. Perut terasa seperti ingin memuntahkan segala isi. Serius aku tak pernah cuak macam ni. This cuak is the worst in my history of cuak. Aku terus ke bilik air, mengambil wudhu lalu menunaikan solat sunat taubat dan hajat. Aku takut dengan apa yang bakal aku dapat. Bukan takut gagal tapi takut aku tak melaksanakan maksud tawakkal. Aku sentiasa menzahirkan di bibir bahawa sesungguhnya aku sudah tawakkal dan apa-apa pun keputusan A-level, aku redha. Tapi aku takut jika aku tidak bertindak seperti orang yang bertawakkal apabila mendapat sesuatu yang aku tidak harapkan. Jadi aku mohon dilembutkan hati dan diberi kekuatan iman daripada Allah swt sebelum aku membuka laman web CIE.

Seusai solat dan dengan masih bertelekung, aku ke laptop. Aku memanggil Umi supaya menjadi saksi apa sahaja keputusan yang terpapar di skrin. Umi sudah berada di sebelahku. Aku memasukkan Id dan password di laman tersebut. Dengan lafaz bismillah, aku menekan 'enter'

AAB

B for Maths. High B. Very close

Kecewa, sebak, sedih, pening.

Aku menahan tangisan sebab Umi berada di sebelah. Aku menarik nafas panjang dan beristighfar.

Umi kelihatan tenang dan menyuruh aku bersabar.

Aku menahan diri aku daripada panik. Lantas aku mendail nombor Ms Barbara untuk memaklumkan keputusan yang aku terima. Dan beliau menyuruh aku menghantarkan print-screen results tersebut kepada beliau agar proses rayuan ke UCC dapat dibuat.

Aku redha. Serius. Dalam hati aku, nampaknya aku bakal ke Sheffield. Kemudian aku masuk dalam bilik. Aku menunaikan solat Zohor dalam tangisan. Basah kuyup telekung aku. Seusai solat Zohor, aku menunaikan solat sunat hajat 12 rakaat. Bukan untuk memohon supaya results aku bertukar kepada semua A ke apa, tapi memohon agar Allah tetapkan iman aku dan membantu aku untuk redha.

Susah tahu tak nak berlapang dada dan mengatakan, "Aku redha" like you really mean it. Aku tersangatlah lemah, jadi, aku sangat memerlukan pertolongan Nya. Tolong Ya Allah, bantu aku gembira dengan keputusan ini. And for once in my life, I experienced betul-betul tenang. Aku dah macam 'Tak pa lah, ni yang Allah nak kasi kat aku'

Dan Alhamdulillah, aku kembali tenang. Umi dan Abah masih memujuk dengan gigih. Oleh kerana penat menangis teresak-esak, aku akhirnya tertidur. Aku tersedar sewaktu azan Asar berkumandang. Seusai solat Asar dan membaca Al-Quran, aku dapat panggilan daripada seorang rakan. Keputusan beliau lebih kurang sama sahaja denganku. Jadi kami sama-sama sebak. Aku mendoakan yang terbaik untuk beliau.

Pukul 6.30 pm, aku mendapat text daripada pihak IUMC,

"Syifa: pack your things now, you're going to UCC Med School! Cheers, Ms Barbara"

Air mata mengalir weh. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah..

Sujud syukur padaMu Ya Allah.

And the rest was happiness. Umi mengalirkan air mata gembira. Abah pun nampak happy. Seluruh family mula bising dan congratulations dilaungkan..

This story is perkongsian semata-mata. Sometimes we learn valuable things from other person experience. So disini aku cuma kongsikan cerita pasal if you put your dependence on Allah, He never fails you. Kita ni yang kenar sabar. Aku sering ingatkan diri aku dengan "Hadapi ujian dengan sabar dan solat" which one of the verse in Al-Baqarah.. Dan "Setiap kesusahan ada kesenangan" in surah Al-Insyirah. Everything that you want, just anything, there are prices that you have to pay. It is the matter of how willing are you to pay for the prices. And that includes usaha, doa dan tawakkal.

Akhir kata,

Have faith in Allah.

Whatever He gave you is the best.

A reminder for myself too.

My A-level Results

I think it is okay for me to post about this here.

I have taken into account that only few people read my blog, and the people who read this may already know how my result was. So, I think it should be fine for me to spill it out here right?

Alhamdulillah.

My results were not as excellent as those brilliant kiddos in Ky. But it just suited me well, I mean my efforts.

Peeps,

I will be going to University College Cork in Ireland to further my degree in Medicine.

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar.

This is really a gift from Him. I couldn't do this without His Guidance

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who always pray for me.

Umi, abah, siblings, Maa, Ayoh, cuzzies, family.

Kawan sekolah, kawan sekolej

Dan orang-orang random yang aku ketemu seminit dua sekali pun.

Kadang-kadang aku siap paksa lagi orang aminkan doa aku.

Ya aku sangat terdesak.

Tapi serius weh, terima kasih. May Allah repay all of your kindness.

Doa ni senjata tahu dak? Yakinlah.

"Ya Allah, aku syukur dan redha dengan jalan yang Engkau pilih untukku."

Terima kasih juga buat kengkawan yang tersangat jauh sanggup menelefon aku semata-mata nak ucap congrats. Eja yang di Aussie, sejurus jer aku dapat result cepat jer beliau telefon aku kan. Bagi Jebo di Germany yang dua kali called aku memang lah kan, dah kau guna GMT Jerman, tak sempatlah aku nak angkat pukul 4.59am waktu Malaysia.

Tapi seriyus, terima kasih semuanya. Banyak kali aku guna perkataan 'serius' menunjukkan betapa serius nya post aku kali ini. So yeah.

Tapi weh weh, ada beberapa kawan-kawan aku yang tak lepas requirement uni, sponsor semua tu, korang doakan dorang jugak yer. Doakan dorang dipermudahkan segala urusan dan seterusnya berterbangan semuanya. Amin amin amin.

Walaupun aku happy, aku tak nak lah happy sesorang. Penat lelah susah senang dua tahun bersama, tak kan aku nak gelak sesorang bila results aku okey. Semoga mereka mendapat yang terbaik. InsyaAllah.
  
Tapi tak lupa juga buat yang berjaya. Yang mendapat results sederet A bintang semuanya. Tahniah! Korang memang hebat! Dont forget to award yourself and your efforts. Gunalah duit raya rm20 tu, pergi drive-thru KFC ke apa. Penat tahu dak A-level dua tahun, dengan tidur malam yang pukul 3 pagi, lepas tu bangun pukul 6 pagi. Huih, penat penat. Tak tipu penat. Tu baru fizikal. Mental korang mesti lagi cekal kan kan.

Apa-apa pun. Life aku di bumi Shamrock baru sahaja hendak bermula. Doakan yang terbaik untuk my next phase ek! Amin.. 

Gambar grad bebudak MARA di KY. Sorry lah baru nak letak kat sini. Ngeh ngeh.

p/s: Bebudak A-level Edexel, all the best for the results yang kabo nye esok! Semoga dipermudahkan semuanya. =)

This is it: The results

13 of August 2013

Today is the day of my A-level results. After struggling for two years, this is it.

I need to get all A for me to secure a place in University College Cork, Ireland to read medicine which was my dream since I aged 4 years old. People said that dream changes as you grow older. But for me, my dream is the same. I want to read Medicine and I want to study abroad. I never get tired of praying to Allah swt for Him to fulfill my doa. And I admit, this journey that I had been through was not a smooth sailing one. I experienced hardships, tears, laughter, happiness and failure many times. But my Doa is still the same. 

"Oh Allah, if this is the best for me, may you help me to redha with the path that You had chosen for me."

Although I cried, I am not disappointed with myself. But I just cant help it, because I'd been hold it for so long. Alhamdulillah. 

I am still not sure of what the future holds. But I believe, whatever Allah had decide for me, I should accept it with perasaan syukur. For Him not to leave me alone, I am very grateful. I may not strong enough to face the world after this but my true mission to become His Khalifah and A'bid will never stop.

Allah had written story for all of us. Believe.

For I do believe, I experience many of His kindness. Indeed, He is the Most Giving.

Do not lose faith Syifa.

Do not lose it.

May Allah protect us all. 

A-LEVEL

I decided to hide my blog. Why? Because I am not in the mood to share anything personal.

Currently I am having my biggest-written exam in my whole life, well until now at least. It is A-Level examination. I have 12 papers to face. I have a month and half more days in Ky, enjoying the last minutes studying, lepakking, eating and crying in Ky. I hope it will end with a happy smile.

I don't know the exact plan for my future. I am afraid and terrified. But I know, whatever HIS plans, they are something that I can bear. InsyaAllah. I am a strong girl you know. I think no one ever cried as much as me in Ky. For what reasons? Lots of them, and I will share them all someday. 

I hope that all will end well. No matter if I still have no placement when the Awards Day come, I will still say Alhamdulillah to Allah for this meaningful journey. As I stated in front of HIM that, I will do my very best and leaves everything in His hand. 

Alhamdulillah for this live Ya Allah, thank you for chosen me as your slave. It was a gift for me. And I am very happy and honored to serve for you, and Islam. 

"Ya Allah, strengthen my iman so that whatever consequences in the future, I can say Alhamdulillah as I knew that is what you'd give me."

I miss Ramadan. Hopefully to spend this year Ramadan with more good deed goes along with it. I miss Tarawikh, I miss sahur and I miss tadarus. And hopefully I will focus to seek more for His forgiveness and blessings.

May Allah protect me with any wronged niat or any proud feelings. 

Astargfirullah..

p/s: I'd done my very best for my paper 2 Biology just now. I will hope for the best outcomes...

Kee Yaa Suu

Home. 2 weeks.

What I love about being home:

1. I feel complete

2. Umi and Abah

3. I can laugh out loud. Like seriously loud

4. Comfortable bed.

5. I am not afraid.

6. Late nights. Anything could happen.

7. The mosque in front of my house.

8. TV

9. My bank lives in the house. Abah, again.

10. Shopping with Umi, baking with Umi, cooking with Umi and watching 'drama Melayu' with Umi.

Have I told you I return home for study weeks?

Yes, I am. Trial approaching near. Gottago.

Choices

I have to choose whether to go to Hijab workshop in the evening or Talk about "the turning point" by Catriona Ross and Brother Adam, a muallaf during the night. And although how much I want to attend both, but in the end I only have to choose one. The talk.

It is like my current situation which is I already have 39 out of 50. And to get 80, I need 41 out of the second 50. For the very beginning I am very sure 41 is in my hand. But when I counted exactly the value, 41 is equal to 100 out of 125 overall. I need to get hundred. Hundred. And then, I started to panic. What should I do? I hope Allah will show me the way. Tonight. Istikharah. 

I do not hope for you to understand. But, in the meantime, I really learn the value of choices. A choice can change the whole life. Whether it is a yes or no.

Please, Ya Allah. Bless me. 

Don't die yet

Status: Hari ini rumah aku buat majlis aqiqah untuk anak sedara yang sudah tua, so, sesapa yang free and berada di Kota Bharu dan nak datang, anda semua dipersilakan. Eheh.

Tomorrow classes and what I have to endure

(I expect the worst)

1. Test organic chemistry

2. Hantar homework Bio

3. Presentation Chemistry (application topic)

4. Surat rasmi nak bagi kat Pn Shiela, tak tulis lagi

5. Vectors! Arghhhh.... ruginya...

Brilliant advice.

Don't die Syifa, don't die!